Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize