How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize