Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
