everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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