Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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