so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
