I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
