she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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