Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
