I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
