Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
