new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
