My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
