Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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