I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
