plz talk dirty to me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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