the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
