i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
