Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
