Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
