is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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