im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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