I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
