There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
