Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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