I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
