so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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