evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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