I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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