I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
