Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
