it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
