i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
