You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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