Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
