Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
pray to the hookup gods
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
