You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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