I didn't shave. On purpose
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
