What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
