if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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