I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
