I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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