Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
