You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
