I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
