What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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