I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
