My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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