What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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