i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
