So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
