It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
