I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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