I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
