I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
