i permit you to call me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
