he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
