So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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