Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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