Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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