So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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