Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
