Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your tits are I can't wait for
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
