i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
