I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
