do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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