i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pooping to opera.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
