I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
