I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
