I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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