Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
