I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
PANTIES FOUND
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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