I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
