He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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