It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
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Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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