I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
