Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
