after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize