i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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