So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
