yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
