she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
