OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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