you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
