I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
