Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
